Those we cannot have

**This needs to be edited, I know, so comment away, but I'll fix it later!

Tonight my wife and I were surfing the net for funny/sappy videos to watch. It's a nice way to unwind and spend time together. In my meandering I saw this. Sure its sad, and maybe a bit self-indulgent, but it reminded me of a comment I read somewhere in the Net that seemed to be quite insightful.

The post claimed that Star Wars, and I'll put Star Trek in here, too, is targeted at young men as a teaching instrument of the values that build greatness in men: Selflessness, sacrifice, honor, and putting childish ways behind us. (Come to think of it, did Kirk ever grow up? Or is that his facade? As Orion said, "You play the clown to hide a warrior's pain.") Roddenberry did grow, and TNG, in my opinion, bears that marks of a writer and thinker that has had time, in this case decades, to mature and deepen.

The aforementioned post contrasted Star Wars with the Harry Potter franchise. The contributor claimed that Harry Potter is aimed at girls, and is about feminine virtues: community, connectedness, unconditional acceptance, and I forget what else. Girl stuff tends to bore me, but girls have always fascinated me. Guess that is why I married one.

ANYWAY... the video seemed to be a bit darker of an interpretation of the relationship between Picard and Dr. Crusher than I remember feeling during my viewings of TNG. But has this stumbled on something a bit deeper?

I can't help but think of a young lady I once knew who seemed to be smitten with me in the worst way. She wanted my love, and, so far as I can tell, very much needed some personal validation and affirmation. The details shall remain undisclosed out of respect for someone who was for a short time close to me. Let it suffice to say that I soon realized that we were not right for each other, and thus I was not right for her.

So not being with her became an act of love.

I did not sleep with her and then dump her after her utility faded. Did not even kiss her in a romantic way, if I kissed her at all. But ending the relationship was awkward and painful. I wanted to be with her at that time, even though I knew it was not to be. And for the first time, I was really able to understand with my heart something that my mind had just dimly grasped beforehand: It is not enough to be in love, you have to be right for the person you are with.

And so I ask you: How do we love the ones we cannot have, should not have? Did Jean-Luc treat Beverly in full charity in his dealings with her? I know I hurt a young woman who just wanted to be loved and accepted. Clumsiness and immaturity, not malice, was my fault.

How could I have done better?